Intimacy in Marriage

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I wasn’t quite sure about whether to write this, because I was afraid everyone might run a mile! But this blog is here to share what God is teaching me, and since we just studied the subject of intimacy (sexual relations) in our women’s ministry, it has been on my mind, so I went for it 🙂

From studying the chapter in The Excellent Wife, the Bible, my experience, other books, and my counselling course, I have come to a conclusion that there are a few things which are probably the most important to know and remember in this area. So here they are:

1. It is a gift from God.

When we remember that it is not something dirty, but a gift from God, we lose some of our embarrassment, see it more from God’s perspective, and are even able to pray about it!

Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; and always be enraptured with her love. Prov 5:18,19

2. It should be other-centred.

TV, films and modern thought all makes it out to be for us, for our pleasure, what we get out of it. But as Christians we need to look at it from the perspective of giving and loving the other person – which is really the path to greater joy.

Let no one seek his own, but each one the other’s well-being. 1Co 10:24

Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another Rom 12:10

3. Communication is a must!

OK so this is definitely for women. We need to communicate, as men don’t have much idea of what feels good to a woman because they are not women!

4. It is important for guarding against temptation


We need to keep intimate relations regular and continuous not only for the health and closeness of the marriage, but also to keep each other from being tempted.

Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 1 Cor 7:2-5

For anyone struggling in this area, or just wanting to improve or learn, there is a great Christian book out there devoted to the subject, called Intended for Pleasure. Some pastors even make this mandatory reading for pre-marital counselling. The world has twisted this gift of God so much, that we really need to correct our thinking on it, and view it as God sees it.

5 Responses

  1. Kelly says:
    11 March, 2012 at 1:51 am

    Such a great post. Sometimes I have to remind myself about how much ‘that’ is important to a marriage. I’m a mommy, a teacher, lots of other things, but I’m also a wife…. and a woman. I let those 2 slide to the bottom sometimes and it doesn’t go well…

    Thanks for this!

  2. Rhoda says:
    11 March, 2012 at 10:30 pm

    It is easy to forget how important it is isn’t it!

  3. Caroline says:
    12 March, 2012 at 10:01 am

    Thank you for sharing!

    Joel Beeke is doing a series in his Adults Bible Class on “Intimacy in Marriage”…I have only listened to the first one, so far.

    http://www.sermonaudio.com/sermoninfo.asp?SID=2412121671

  4. Charlotte says:
    12 March, 2012 at 8:40 pm

    This subject is sooo important to a happy marriage. Thank you for sharing these insights.
    Blessings,
    Charlotte

  5. Rhoda says:
    12 March, 2012 at 10:38 pm

    That’s great, thanks for the link Caroline!