How Can We Parent in a Liberal Culture?
I was reading some news articles the other day which were talking about how lack of proper parenting was one of the problems behind the London riots.
Prime Minister David Cameron noted that the rioters have “a complete lack of responsibility, a lack of proper parenting, a lack of proper upbringing, a lack of proper ethics, a lack of proper morals – that is what we need to change.”
With regard to what he said about parenting, I am sure there could be other factors involved too, such as the bad influence of friends – which can upturn the influence of even the best parenting. But I think it is very true that parenting makes a real difference, though it is not a guarantee of the right behaviour.
The Head teachers’ leader, Brian Lightman, said:
‘”Parents are not willing to say ‘no’. That short, simple word is an important part of any child’s upbringing. It’s desperately important that children have a sense of right and wrong. But we often come across children who have never been told that something is wrong.”‘
Then I read the Guardian where they talked to a mum and youth worker:
‘Dropping her six-year-old son off for football class, Chris (who did not want to give her surname) said she felt under pressure not to discipline her children. “Responsibility has been taken away from parents. People here will call social services if they hear you disciplining your children. Children hear about Childline at school. It’s all very well trying to be liberal, but parents need to be given back their right to parent,” she said.’
When I was a child, I was disciplined (which sometimes meant smacking) lovingly, and am glad of it, as it taught me to be obedient and respect authority. However I know it is controversial and some situations don’t allow that, such as fostering, so I wouldn’t want to say anyone had to do that. But I do believe it is very effective, and indicated in the Bible.
When it comes to corporal punishment, I think we need to know the law. Many people in the UK think it is illegal, whereas the law in the UK at present is that you are allowed to smack your children if it is a reasonable punishment, so long as you don’t leave a mark.
Tips for helping children to be obedient
- Love them, first and foremost
- Never punish when angry – make them wait somewhere until you have calmed down
- Always hug them afterwards so they know you love them
- Be consistent – don’t make threats that you wouldn’t follow through on
- Talk to them first to make sure you have the story straight
- Assess if punishment is really necessary – sometimes they are tired, or need talking to or reminding
- Don’t yell – if you punish promptly on disobedience you shouldn’t need to raise your voice as it won’t get to that point!
- Deal with problems promptly so the situation doesn’t escalate
I want to recommend two of the best books I have read on the subject of bringing up children in a loving yet firm way. They have very practical advice, and are both written from a Biblical standpoint:
Excellent article. I have passed it on to my children who are all raising their children.
God bless you!
Anita
Lovely post! I love Tedd Trips book and recommend it regularly.
Thanks Anita and Tamsyn. I have to keep re-reading that book as I so easily forget 🙂
“Responsibility has been taken away from parents. People here will call social services if they hear you disciplining your children. Children hear about Childline at school. It’s all very well trying to be liberal, but parents need to be given back their right to parent,”
What a lazy excuse, disciplining a child does not have to be physical. So? they phone childline? It won’t take long for childline to assess the situation, anyway they’re not the law, so what harm can it do if your child wants to talk to someone anyway?
If anyone needs to be handed back the right to discipline it’s the school’s, they’re the one’s who daren’t do anything because they know the child will also have the backing of their parent, it’s more than their very underpaid job is worth to take issue with a child, easier just to exclude them from the lesson, which then means they start to truant, which then leaves them with little education and time on their hands to get into trouble, and so the cycle begins!
Discipline of course does begin at home, but if it is not followed through throughout society the whole thing unravels into the unruly mess we saw last week!
What the writer of the previous comment does not seem to realise is that children who were brought up in a godly and disciplined home, would never have taken part in the unruly mess of last week!
St Francis Xavier is supposed to have said ” Give me a child until he is 7 and I’ll give you the man”.
Great post, and your happy and well-behaved children show the truth of it!
Yes, those are some really good ways to bring up your children